It’s Weigh-In Wednesday.  Now, I’m finally tracking my weight loss in an Excel spreadsheet.  Through the years, I’ve developed both Calorie Tracking Workbooks and Weight Loss Tracking Worksheets in Excel that have automatically updating calculations.  For someone who is bad with numbers, it’s a good system.  Let me know if you want me to send a blank one to you.

This morning’s weigh-in rounded out a week of gaining and losing.

Day Loss Total
Day 7 +0.8 9.2
Day 8 0 9.2
Day 9 0 9.2
Day 10 0 9.2
Day 11 +3.4 5.8
Day 12 0.6 6.4
Day 13 2 8.4

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I’m happy with it.  When you consider that Day 8 and Day 9 were Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and I didn’t have a scale, it could’ve been worse.  I didn’t track calories Days 8-10 but tried not to overindulge…a 3.4 pound gain might have set me back, but a total of 8.4 pounds lost in two weeks is nothing to sneeze at.

I can’t get too down on myself over it.  What happens with me is that if I become discouraged, I say “Screw it.  I quit.”  The negative self-talk starts up and I’m suddenly the worst person in the world for “losing control” and “pigging out.”  For many, many years, I wouldn’t touch a scale.  I was in denial.  I didn’t want to know how much I weighed…let alone how much I might’ve gained over Christmas.  It became this monster that was without definition but always growing because, by not knowing, I always guessed that it was the worst case scenario.  That I had not only gained weight, but I had gained it by leaps and bounds.  Or, heaps and pounds.

Grazing on cheese, crackers, mixed nuts, cookies, bars, and all the dinner foods for a couple of days probably caused me to gain 10 pounds.  I was a horrible and weak person for letting myself gain 10 pounds.  Heck, I probably gained 15 pounds, I pigged out so much.  May as well eat some more and make those 20 pounds worth the gain.  It was probably even 25 pounds.

My mind would spin me so far out of control that I was scared to get on a scale to find out the real figures.  And, the more I thought I gained, the more I ate…to make myself feel better, to be rebellious against my dieting, to show “them” who’s boss, or just because “if I can’t beat ‘em, I’d join ‘em.”  I’d fall off the wagon and stay off…rolling around in the ditch out of self-pity and guilt.  Shame kept me eating.

Now, by making myself get on a scale, I have an accurate–instead of distorted–version of how eating affects my weight.  You know what?  I’d rather know the truth than guess the worst.  It’s simple cause and effect.  I consumed more calories than I burned over Christmas…so I gained weight.  As soon as I had access to a scale, I found out how much I gained, and I got back on the wagon.

The next morning, I’d started losing again.

No quitting, no tantrums, no shame.

No spirals of distorted weight gain scenarios.

No denial.

My Christmas Wish for everyone who wants to lose weight is that each person finds the strength to not only buy a scale, but step on it and look at the number.  Contrary to how we usually feel when we see our weight, I wish that you feel empowered by knowing.  And that the knowledge is comforting, no matter how high or low the number might be.

Rah.